Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
