just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
