Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
