If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
