i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
