do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
