Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
