I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
