theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
My balls are so social today.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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