I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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