We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
