hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
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