Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
