oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
