3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
