he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
