the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
