The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
