i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
