I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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