did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
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