Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
