Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
