Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
