Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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