as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
