Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
