Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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