I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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