I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
soo... how was my night?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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