Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
