im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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