Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You have to summon your inner elephant
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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