I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
