i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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