Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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