At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
This is classic penis vs brain.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
