WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
