I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
