i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
