no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
even my farts smell like vagina
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
