so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
