Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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