Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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