I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
