I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
