Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
