Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
