i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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