i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
