I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize