I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Where is the hickey?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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