2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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