We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
