OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
