Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
